Thanks for the help, it's giving me lots to think about which is what I really need to do.
I think it's an attitude thing with you Sad elmo.
Bikerchic - Assuming you're talking about my negative outlook, yes I know this is where a lot of my problem probably stems from. I've been ranging between mild depression and suicidal for months now - but I'm working on it - that's why it's good for me to get feedback from you guys which will make me actually think as some days I can't even do that.
Jordan and Lady Lee - it's good to discover that I'm normal!!
I think I'm going through that spiritual reassessment at the moment. I don't think I ever had so many doubts about my beliefs as I do now, even though the change of church I made isn't anywhere near as radical as leaving the WTS.
The guilt thing was heavily imposed at the church I grew up attending. I believed in a God who sees all our actions and punishes all our sins either here or in purgatory or in hell and that there was no salvation outside the church - so yes for me it was the worst thing I could do even though it was for the best. I thought I'd managed to shake most of that but wonder if really I've just buried it with all the other garbage in my life so maybe it keeps reappearing when I'm weak.
I'm going to do that exercise you've told me to try - I suspect I may find out that I'm more afraid of myself than I am of others - which is a bit scary!
Thanks for the book recommendation Gently Feral I'll try and get a copy.